Stop Trying to Stay Calm (And Do This Instead)
I want to share something that might surprise you: breathwork isn't about staying calm all the time.
I know, I know. That probably sounds contradictory coming from someone who teaches breathing techniques. But stick with me here, because this shift in perspective could change everything about how you approach your emotional wellbeing.
The Pressure to Be Perfect
Everywhere you look, there's this message that you should have it all together. That good people don't lose their temper. That strong people don't get overwhelmed. That if you're doing life right, you'll glide through every difficult moment with a smile.
But here's the reality: authentic living isn't about suppressing your human experience.
Think about those moments when you've tried desperately to "keep it together." Maybe it's during a challenging conversation with a colleague, when you're overwhelmed by your to-do list, or when your kids are pushing every button you have. What happens when you force yourself to appear calm while your internal world is in chaos?
The tension builds. The disconnect grows. And eventually, something has to give.
The Power of Authentic Breathing
True breathwork isn't about becoming a zen master who never feels anything. It's about learning to stay present with whatever comes up – the messy, complicated, beautifully human feelings that make up real life.
When we practice daily breathwork, even just for a few minutes, we're not training ourselves to become emotional robots. We're cultivating:
Self-awareness: The ability to notice what's happening in our bodies before we're overwhelmed
Emotional flexibility: The skill to move through feelings rather than getting stuck in them
Authentic presence: The courage to show up as we really are, not as we think we should be
Why Short Daily Practice Changes Everything
You don't need hour-long sessions with a practitioner every week (though they can be incredibly supportive when you need deeper work). What I'm talking about here is daily self-practice - and it doesn't need to be complicated.
A simple three-minute daily practice creates more lasting change than sporadic longer sessions. Why? Because we're literally rewiring our nervous system's default responses. We're teaching our bodies that it's safe to feel, safe to breathe, safe to be human.
This daily practice becomes your foundation – not for staying calm, but for staying real.
One Conscious Breath: Your Emergency Reset
Here's a simple technique you can use anytime you feel the pressure to "stay calm" mounting:
The Reality Check Breath:
When you notice tension or the urge to suppress what you're feeling, pause
Take one slow, conscious breath in through your nose (4 counts)
As you exhale through your mouth (6 counts), whisper internally: "I'm allowed to feel this"
Notice any softening in your shoulders, jaw, or chest
That's it. No forcing. No fixing. Just acknowledgment.
The Ripple Effect of Authentic Breathing
When you stop trying to be perfectly calm and start being genuinely present, something magical happens. The people around you feel permission to be authentic too.
Your nervous system communicates safety not through forced composure, but through genuine presence. Others can sense when you're truly grounded versus when you're performing groundedness.
Your Invitation
This week, I invite you to release yourself from the impossible standard of constant calm. Instead, practice one conscious breath when emotions arise. Notice them. Breathe with them. Let them move through you.
Remember: The goal isn't to eliminate your human experience – it's to breathe through it with grace.
Mel
P.S. Change your breath, Change your life